“You are too fat to be in the pool with your shirt off.” Almost 40 years later I can still hear my father’s voice echoing from the sidelines of the shallow end of the pool at the beginning of my first swimming lesson.
If I were to find the genesis of the body image issues that have plagued me for much of my life it would be this moment. Four words, carelessly spoken by my father, planted a seed in the fertile soil of my early childhood that became invasive overgrowth, aggressively wrapping itself around my identity while slowly suffocating my self-esteem. His “you are” immediately became my “I am.” From that point forward, I began to live as one does when they are too much of anything, in hiding – a clear manifestation of what we might call 'the bear' at work. Think of 'the bear' as those external forces of fear, scarcity and ego (the feeling of never having or being enough) that constantly drive us, often pushing us to react from a place of perceived threat rather than authentic self-worth.
This hiding can take many forms: physical withdrawal, emotional unavailability, shying away from opportunities, or masking our true selves behind a facade we hope is more acceptable. These learned identities, these "I am" statements borrowed from others, can feel so intrinsically us that we rarely stop to question their origin or their validity. They become the invisible architects of our self-perception, the unseen gatekeepers of our potential, often keeping us stuck in a cycle of 'doing' – constantly striving, achieving, and performing to prove our worth – rather than simply 'being,' which is about finding our value in our inherent existence, just as we are. This relentless 'doing,' fueled by the need for external validation, can create a superficial and conditional relationship with ourselves – almost like a 'situationship,' where our self-acceptance hinges on our current performance or circumstances. This contrasts sharply with genuine relationship to self, which thrives in a state of 'presence' – being fully engaged and aware in the now, while witnessing our inherent worth.
Understanding how these external declarations and the pressures of 'doing' can shape our internal world the curiosity is how do we begin to shift this? For Movement Makers subscribers, we'll delve into the journey of reclaiming your 'I Am,' understanding the power of presence, and the steps towards authentic self-liberation and abundance. Continue reading to discover how to move from these ingrained patterns to a more empowered way of being.
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